Forty-Eight
by SaraCiuzio
Summary: Forty-Eight is a collab by myself and DCroley1985. This is our version of how we would like to see Cin's current storyline go.
1. Chapter 1

As I walked into the small courtroom, my nerves were at an all time high. My thoughts were running a mile a minute. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think and I didn't know what to feel. The pounding in my chest and the sweat building in my palms reminded me of how nervous and anxious I felt. Today was going to be the day that determined the rest of my life. Well not just my life, our life.

How did we get here? How has this been our life for the past year?

Ben didn't deserve this. None of this was his fault. No matter how hard I tried to prove otherwise, no judge or jury wanted to listen to him. They sealed his fate long before he ever faced a jury at his trial. The second Ben was arrested, our fate was sealed. I knew it would be a hard-fought battle, but I never could have imagined just how hard this could get.

I guess that's what happens to men like Ben when they don't have the money or power like other men in this town do. Ben was a good man, no correction, he is a good man. He had a dark past that no one besides me was ever able to look past. When I look at Ben, I don't see the things he did or the man he used to be. I see the man that he is now, the man who loves me and has always taken care of me, from the first moment I laid eyes on him in the cabin.

I sat down in the courtroom in the first row that was behind the defense table. The small knot that had been in my stomach grew intensely when I stared at the empty chair Ben would soon be sitting in. Ben was the defendant trying to defend for the rest of his life.

Ben has been tried and convicted of first degree murder of his sister Jordan. Now the question just remained: would Ben spend the rest of his natural days in prison or would he… would he be sentenced to death? With no strong evidence to prove his innocence no one was just willing to believe he was telling the truth. No matter how hard I tried, every lead led us right to a dead end.

No matter how hard we fought there was no fighting the men responsible for this Victor and Xander Kirakis. My own grandfather arranged all of this to happen. Just a year ago, I would have referred to my grandfather as a big ol' softie. But now? Now, the thought of my grandfather sends a shiver down my spine.

He promised Xander the title of CEO of Titan Industries if he went along with the murder of Jordan. Just so he could remove Ben from my life. The money and power my grandfather had was no match for anyone, especially Ben. The evidence that was planted against Ben alone was enough to make him look and seem guilty.

Then you add in Ben's past as being a serial killer, more infamously known as the Necktie Killer. They didn't care when I testified to the changed man he had become, or my mom who even herself didn't trust him and made our lives hell believed in his innocence. My grandfather paid off everyone. The jury, the lawyers, and even the judge. It was nails in Ben's coffin.

I made it my mission to prove he was innocent and I was not going to rest until we got Ben to come back home. Ben had one appeal left and with a new lawyer: my cousin Justin, I finally felt we were going to save him. He believed me when I told him, he believed in Ben. He fought to get us a trial for his last appeal outside of Salem. And we won that. It was a small victory, finally it was a step in the right direction. And for hope that someone was going to listen to us. To listen to Ben.

After four long days we were finally finished telling our sides. Me, my mom, and Marlena all testified on Ben's behalf. Stefan and my grandmother Julie wrote letters on behalf of Ben all in hopes to show how much of a changed man he had become. But most importantly, in this appeal my cousin Will testified on Ben's behalf as well.

Will was a key factor in Ben's case because he was one of Ben's victims. Well, so we thought for 4 years until we found Will to be alive. He was also a pawn in one of my grandfather's games. He did the same to Will as he did to Ben he framed him for the murder of his husband's mother. Will was cellmates with Ben while he was in prison. Ben confided in Will but Will was very skeptical at first. After time, Will came around to Ben and they actually formed a friendship. Will finally forgave Ben for the past.

When Will won his appeal, it gave us both so much hope. Will's testimony in Ben's case was very strong and shed light into how vindictive my grandfather and Xander could be.

I looked up at the clock on the wall. The time read 11:45. That meant in 15 minutes my life was about to change. Sitting in this courtroom, it felt as if the walls were closing in on me. I was suddenly hot. Very hot. I was trying my best to stay calm. So much so I was afraid to move. I was afraid to speak. I was even afraid to breathe I knew at any moment I would break if I shed one ounce of how I was feeling. I had to stop myself from letting the tears fall because if I did, I feared they would never stop. I was so nervous I was shaking.

My mom was sitting to the left of me and Marlena to the right. I don't know if I could have gotten through the morning without their support. My mom took my hand and said,

"Baby it's going to be okay. I'm here for you."

"Thank you Mama, I am so nervous." A tear finally escaped as it began to fall she wiped it away brushing her thumb over my cheek.

"You're so strong Ciara Alice, don't forget that."

I gave her the biggest hug. I couldn't let go as she rubbed my back.

I took the deepest breathe I could and let it out slowly.

Marlena looked over at me and rubbed my knee

"We got you Ciara. I firmly believe it's going to be okay. We built a strong case for Ben."

"Oh Marlena I sure hope so."

I dabbed my eye as Will made his way into the courtroom he sat down next to Marlena.

"I'm so sorry I'm late guys traffic was brutal this afternoon."

"Oh Will, thank you so much for coming it means so much to me and Ben."

I reached out to him and he held my hand.

"Of course Ciara I wouldn't miss it. Hopefully this will be the end of this nightmare."

"We can only hope right?"

My mom continued to squeeze my hand as I continued to stare straight ahead at the clock it was so quiet in the courtroom it was as if I could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall. As I watched the hands move around. The door to the left of the room opened. As Ben made his way through the door I could feel my heart almost drop to the floor as he scanned the room for me. He smiled at me as the guard ushered him into his seat. He was in the suit that I had bought for him to wear during the appeal. It was a dark navy blue with a matching tie. I couldn't help but think of how handsome he looked wearing it even if he was in handcuffs. Even given the situation and the seriousness of the circumstance, locking eyes with Ben both made my heart race and gave me a sense of calm. He's always been able to do that for me.

I smiled back at Ben and waved a small wave just little enough not to bring attention to myself. I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms to give him the biggest hug and kiss him all over, telling him everything was going to be okay. How I longed to feel a hug from him and for him to tell me it was going to be okay. I always felt so tiny in Ben's arms. His big, strong arms around my tiny frame always made me feel delicate, safe, and protected. I sighed for how I longed to feel that again.

I could see the worry all over his face even as he continued to smile at me. He couldn't hide it, I know him too well. I mouthed the words

"I love you"

And he returned them with

"Love you more"

All the tears I was holding back sprang to life as my mom continued to squeeze my hand. Just as he was about to sit down he looked up at me and mouthed

"It's okay, don't cry" I could tell he wanted to comfort me just as badly as I wanted to be comforted by him.

I wiped the tears away with my finger and filled my lungs with the deepest of breaths I could manage. And let them release so slowly.

Ben was so close but so far at the same time. I hated all of this so much. It was almost too much for me to bear. I fanned myself my free hand.

Marlena reached in her purse and took out some Kleenex for me.

"Thank you."

"This is just breaking my heart for you Ciara."

Just as I was about to reply to her the bailiff walked in and said,

"Will everyone please rise?"

Everyone in the courtroom rose. I never let go of my mother's hand. It was keeping me balanced. Keeping me center. I think without it I would have fell over.

The DA and Justin made their way through the door. Just as they took their seats. Lastly it was the judge. As he made his way up the bench he sat down.

"You may all take your seats."

As we sat, my eyes couldn't leave Ben's as he stared straight I could see him fidgeting with his hands. His knee was bouncing almost a mile a minute. It was his nervous habit, something I used to stop with just my hand on his knee. He always smiled at me when I did it. This time though, I couldn't stop it.

The judge then called up Justin and the DA to the bench. I couldn't make out what they were saying but they returned shortly after.

Justin gave Ben's shoulder a tight squeeze. As he reached in the folder in front of him and slipped Ben a note. I could feel my stomach tighten. I squeezed my mom's hand a little tighter.

This was a note I wrote to Ben yesterday after Justin assured me no one would question it if it was inside the folder with his case. He hid it in between papers as he promised me not to read it. These words were for Ben's eyes only.

"Baby,

No matter what happens today, good or bad, right or wrong, know that I love you. I loved you from the first moment you came into my life. I'm here for you always. Never doubt that. I will never deserve your love, Ben Weston. But I'm lucky to have it, I'm lucky to have you. Babe, Whatever the verdict is, just know that you always have been and always will be the love of my life and my great love story. Everything is going to be okay, we're in this together. Don't ever for even a second think you're alone. You never will be again.

Ci

Xoxo

PS stop bouncing your knee ;)"

As he read it he kept is head down and wiped his tears with his index finger. Ben looked down at his knee and stopped bouncing it instantly when he read that last line. The tiniest chuckle escaped him. When I heard Ben chuckle, I couldn't help but let a small smile come to my lips. I was glad I was able to provide Ben at least a moment of comfort. Ben's laugh was one of my favorite sounds. I knew it helped ease his nerves. I needed to hear his laugh to ease mine.

He folded up the note and squeezed it in his hand he turned his head so I could see his mouth and said

"Thank you. I love you so much"

"I love you too, Ben." I whispered to myself.

"Ciara, what was that all about?" My mom asked

"I'll tell you later."

She gave my hand a tight squeeze.

I continued to look straight ahead at Ben. My nerves were giving me the worst shakes. Every second felt like an hour. Every minute felt like a day.

"Benjamin Weston, would you please rise as I have reached the verdict in this case?" The judge's voice echoed throughout the courtroom.

As Ben and Justin rose from their chairs my eyes did not leave Ben once. My butterflies quickly grew to the size of elephants. My hands continued to shake even more.

Marlena wrapped her arm around mine and as my mom squeezed my hand tighter, I squeezed her hand in return as if I was a scared little girl. This was it. This was going to determine the rest of our lives.

The judge sat at his bench looking down at the papers in front of him as he picked one up, his eyes darted from the DA to Justin and fell upon Ben before he spoke.

My heart is already aching and I know that I'm not prepared for whatever he is going to say.

"Benjamin Weston, your appeal in this case has been denied. I am now approving the prosecution's request for death by lethal injection on December 19th, 2020. Which is exactly 48 hours from today. The prosecution has made it public knowledge of your ties to Stefan Dimera. Many factors have helped me come to this conclusion they deem you as a flight risk, and a concern for the public's safety if they drew this out any longer. But most importantly it is your past and given the amount of evidence against you, it's hard for me to turn a blind eye. You tried to reform yourself yet here you are again being tried for murder once again but this time someone who shares the same blood as you: your sister. This will now conclude your final appeal in this case. May God have mercy upon your soul."

He pounded his gavel and in that exact moment my heart stopped. All of the air seemed to be sucked out of the small room. As I found myself almost gasping as the reality of it all set in. My heart felt like it was in my throat and I couldn't catch my breath. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening.

"No! No! No!" This wasn't happening. This wasn't true. I was dreaming, having another nightmare. I was going to wake up at home. I squeezed my eyes shut as I opened them the tears that were streaming down my face reminded me that it was real. I couldn't see a thing in front of me.

"No! No!" I didn't even realize I was screaming out loud. As I tried to move close to Ben, he turned around to face me. His face pale white soaked in tears, he was in just as much shock as I was. We never thought this would happen.

Confusion rams into my already jumbled thoughts, disrupting any attempt to make sense of what I'm hearing. Confusion is quickly replaced by a burning mixture of pain and fright. All of the memories of us begin to flood through me pile and piece together.

I push myself closer to the partitioned wall that was separating us. I reach out to him and as he reached for me our fingers grazing as quickly as he touched me he was just as quickly pulled away by the Bailiff.

He was just standing there unable to do anything. Unable to move; just standing there as my entire world crashed around me.

My cries for Ben echoed loudly throughout the courtroom. As I continued to fight my way towards Ben, Ben continued to fight his way towards me.

Will had to hold me back as I continued to fight,

"Will, let go of me. Let me go"

"Ciara, you have to calm down." He whispered.

He let me go but the strength that I had left in me was quickly sucked from me as my legs began to give out. I fell down to the floor.

"Order in the court!" The judge pounded his gavel.

My sobs got louder as I balanced myself and did my best to steady myself on my feet. The guards continued to hold Ben back as he reached out to me over them.

The judge pounded his gavel 3 times as his voice boomed through the courtroom,

"Benjamin Weston, if we don't get control and order back in this courtroom I will charge you with contempt of court."

He continued to fight his way to me ignoring the judges request. It didn't matter to him if he was charged with more charges, he only cared about me. The judge already ruled for Ben to be executed, what else could he do to us? He couldn't make it any worse for us.

As devastated as I was the thought of making this worse for him sent a shiver down my spine, the thought of anyone hurting him just because of his fight to get to me and comfort me. I had to compose myself. I couldn't make this worse for him.

I looked at him with pleading eyes held my hand up palm facing him and mouthed,

"Baby, please stop."

I composed myself as my mom, Will, and Marlena helped to calm me. I continued to stare into Ben's eyes as our tears fell. He finally took a breath and began to calm. He got what I was trying to say without a word needing to be verbalized. I nodded ever so slightly at Ben.

We were the calm to each other's storms. My mom sat me down in my seat as Ben sat down in his.

"Judge, do to the circumstances of this case, I would also like to suggest the inmate to be remanded to solitary confinement until the time of execution." The DA asked.

"I will grant that request as I believe it would be in the best interest of the inmate."

Tears burned my cheeks and anger consumed me. I couldn't stop myself, "In the best 'Interest of the inmate'?" I questioned.

"Like they care about him at all." I mumble under my breath. Keeping him locked away like he's a disease. Like he was garbage to throw away. I knew how hard Ben had worked to stop seeing himself as worthless and worthy of being loved, but being put in the hole that his father was put in would undo all of our work. The thought of Ben being in solitary broke my damn heart.

Justin rose to speak and when I heard his voice it helped me get outside of my thoughts.

"Your Honor, this defendant has followed all the proper procedures and has been very compliant in this case. He has been a model prisoner and I would like to ask for a small request for Ben to say goodbye to his family and friends who are like family before he is sent back."

"Well let's make this clear Mr. Kiriakis: Mr. Weston has no family here so I can't grant that request for just his friends. Anyone wanting to say their goodbyes to Mr. Weston will have 48 hours to arrange their last visits."

Tears continued to flow out of me and burned my skin as they fell. 48 hours. 48 hours until my life would be completely and utterly destroyed. This nightmare that we had been living for the past year, I never thought it would actually end like this. I always hoped that we would get through this and Ben would be home with me and we could have the life we desired so badly we could just about taste it. And now, with one swing of the gavel, it was all over; all of our hopes and dreams are gone.

"Very well Judge. This is a complete injustice. The system has failed Ben Weston. His past has been used against him in the worst way. His past crimes which were used against him, he was found not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect. If you approve the DA's petition, he will die an innocent man." Justin said defeated as he sat down and gave Ben a hug. I knew that Justin wasn't exactly head over heels for Ben or the fact that Ben was the man that I had chosen to love. But the fact that Justin tried to comfort Ben, meant everything to me. That was the only comfort he could have and I longed for it to be me and I knew Ben felt the same way. It was destroying me to sit in this room being so close to Ben but feeling so far at the same time. Hearing and seeing him this way, I felt so useless. Just like Ben had always done with me, I wanted to be able to comfort him and wipe away his tears. Devastated changed to anger as it boiled through me. I just wanted to ring the judge's neck. He doesn't know Ben, not really. But he gets to decide if Ben lives or dies?

I gasped for breath to breathe. I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I can't take it. I'm sick to my stomach, and the pain of this betrayal and 'injustice' as Justin put it was cutting me. Making me weaker and weaker by the moment. I'm convinced if anything else was said there would be nothing left of me. I'm terrified about what is happening. I have never felt pain like this before, well once I did. Until Ben brought me out of that dark place. What would I do without him here to help me with this? Ben calls me his anchor, but he's mine too. He's my quiet to my storms, he's always know just what I need: whether that's to talk or just be an ear and an open arm. I don't know how to handle this, or if I could at all. The thought of going through life without Ben and without having Ben to grow old with made my blood run cold.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I turned around and realized the person behind me was Stefan. I hadn't even realized he was there. He whispered to me,

"Ciara, it's going to be okay."

"Stefan, I don't think it is."

I continued to cry as he squeezed my shoulder.

So many people in the town have so many feelings about Stefan, but through all of this he's been a great friend and support for Ben.

"So that will conclude this case. Court is adjourned."

The judge's gavel echoed once more throughout the courtroom. And that was it. Nothing I could do would change this outcome. Nothing would make this go away. In a matter of 15 minutes, my whole life was shattered into a million pieces and nothing would ever be the same. I would never be okay or whole again.

Everyone stood to rise as the Judge exited the courtroom. Stefan kept his hand on my shoulder as Ben stood at the exit with the Bailiff

holding onto his arm he turned to face me and this time, he didn't whisper.

"Ciara, I love you. It's going to be okay."

His face was bright red from crying to match his bloodshot eyes. His voice was raw and shaky from his sobs. All I wanted to do was run to him. I stepped closer to the partition wall and reached for him again.

"Ben, I love you too. So, so much." Our fingers grazed each others but before I could wrap my fingers around Ben's. the bailiff led him away.

Ben looked up at Stefan this time and back to me. I turned slightly to Stefan to see him close his eyes for a brief moment, nod and say,

"I've got her."

Ben slumped his shoulders. Devastated by his outcome but also a bit of relief washed over his face as Ben nodded. It was as if there was some prior agreement between the both of them, for Stefan to look out for me if things went this way. I tried everything to keep Ben optimistic but from the looks of it, Ben had made some plans of his own. I shook my head ever so slightly, even given the situation, Ben always managed to put me first, no matter what. I couldn't picture how I was going to get through life without him.

Just as Ben made his way through the door he turned to me one last time to face me, I blew him a kiss. He did the same as tears continued to spill from his eyes and sobs echoed through the courtroom from both of us.

As the door closed behind him, I couldn't believe this was the outcome. How could this be happening? I couldn't make sense of anything.

I couldn't get the image out of my head of Ben returning to his cell, cold and dark with no one there to comfort him.

I sat frozen in my seat replaying all these moments over and over. This was a nightmare I would never wake up from. The look that Ben had on his face today was a look I have never seen from him before.

Terror. Complete and utter terror. It was now burned into my brain. Quickly replacing the image of his beautiful smiling face that I always fell asleep too. I will never be able to erase that image of him. How will I ever sleep again? The only thing that's gotten me through this last year was the hope that Ben would be with me again. That soon I'd be falling asleep feeling his arms around me. I'd never felt so secure or so safe in my life than when I fell asleep with feeling Ben's arm snaked around my waist. How am I going to do that now? How will I fall asleep knowing I will never feel the security of his body or his breath on my neck as he slept?


	2. Chapter 2

This was not supposed to happen. This was not supposed to be the outcome. Everything was a haze. It was as if time had stopped for me. I tried to prepare myself like Ben told me to, but I never could; I always thought with a new venue and new judge someone would believe him. Nothing was worse than this.

"Ciara honey, let's go baby."

I looked around the room and it was just us who remained. Stefan sitting quietly behind me.

"No Mom. I need time, I'm not ready."

Walking out of that door would only make it real, cement his fate. Somehow if I stayed here, I felt close to Ben. As fucked up as that was, I couldn't face the reality of the world, the reality of the situation.

Everyone had doubts about Ben. No one listened or believed me besides the four people in this room with me. I was not ready to hear the "I told you so's" or hear all the whispers when I walked into a room, how I was wrong and made a fool of.

"Okay honey, I'll wait right here with you until you're ready." She took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"No Mom. Really- I just…" my voice cracked and I continued to cry. I didn't want to be alone but I needed some time to myself. To try and process it all.

I cleared my throat before I spoke again,

"Mom it's okay, you don't have to wait for me."

"Ciara honey, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be driving."

That was one thing I didn't stop to think about. I was not ready to drive, but I wanted to drive us home today. Ben and I. I fought my mom on the issue this morning. I guess I truly didn't prepare myself enough, somehow my mom was.

"Mama, this is not what I thought would happen." I said through the tears I kept trying my hardest to hold back.

"Oh baby, I know. This is not fair for Ben. I know I was not fair to him in the beginning Ciara, but he has kept true to every word he's promised you." I nodded slightly.

She took me in her arms and held me tight.

"Ciara, I am going to be with you every step of the way." She took my face in her hands and wiped my eyes. I hugged her back in return and turned to face everyone.

"Thank you guys so much for being here today. Ben really needed this support."

"Don't thank us Ciara, we're all here for him because we care. But I am going to head out, this is a lot for me to process and I want to make sure I get on the list for a las-" Will said as he stopped himself before finishing his sentence.

"For a visit with Ben." He stood up and bent down to give me a hug.

"Ciara, if you need anything at all please call me."

I nodded back to him as he turned to walk away.

I knew what Will stopped himself to say. He has to get on Ben's list for final visits. My heart sped up at the thought of a 'final visit'. How could I do it?

The thought of having to do that sent a shockwave of panic through me. I could not do that. I could not sign my name on that paper.

"I can't…" my voice trailed off as my tears fell faster my throat was dry and words were not coming out.

"Ciara, don't worry about that. I will take care of that for you." Marlena replied as she took my other hand and continued,

"In fact because I am one of Ben's doctors, I've already arranged with Justin and the judge a visit with Ben. I had to plan a negative outcome to this and unfortunately prepare this so Ben wouldn't be alone. I'm very worried about him."

I wiped my eyes again and took a deep breath before I spoke,

"I am too. I don't want him to be alone." Tears continued to spill. I don't think I will ever stop crying. This felt as if I was dying a thousand deaths over and over again.

"Ciara, I will make sure he is okay."

"Marlena... thank you. Please, tell him I love him so much and give him a hug if your able to for me."

Marlena smiled the slightest of smiles knowing the pain I was feeling. "Of course I will, Ciara. Hang in there."

She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she stood to leave.

Stefan made his way up to the seat next to me and sat down.

"Hope, would it be alright if I had a moment with Ciara?"

She looked up at Stefan and said,

"Of course. Ciara, I'm going to wait outside the door for you alright?"

All I could manage was a slight nod. She stood from her seat and kissed my forehead.

"Stefan, how did this happen?" I asked through a shaky breath. I continued to sob and put my head down.

"Ciara, come here. Let it out."

He took me into his arms and held me as I cried. He didn't speak a word as my loud sobs echoed throughout the courtroom. Every emotion, every feeling I was holding in came pouring out. I tried to be strong for as long as I could, not just for me but for Ben, but in this moment, I finally broke and the floodgates opened.

I was trying so hard to hold myself together but I couldn't do it. My heart wouldn't allow it. It was breaking and could never be placed back together. Ben once fixed my shattered heart but this time, there was no way he or anybody else could do it. I would be like this forever, I would be like this without Ben. The thought of living a life without Ben sent a shudder down my spine.

Stefan not saying anything was the silent support I needed. No judgements, none of the "it's okay, It'll be alright" because it wasn't okay and it wasn't alright. I didn't want to hear those things, I could not accept this. It was exactly what Ben would do if he could comfort me right now. Ben always knew just what I needed, whether it was to talk to or just to listen. It was almost as if Ben had given Stefan instructions or at least bullet points as to what to do. I sighed heavily, Ben was always looking out for me, protecting me. Those were just a few of the ways that he always showed me how much he loves me.

I lifted my head off of Stefan's tear-soaked jacket as I took a few deep breaths.

"I'm sorry." I said to him as I wiped my burning eyes. He reached into his coat pocket to hand me a handkerchief.

The coolness of the soft fabric felt nice against my skin. My eyes hurt so badly from crying.

"Don't you dare apologize, Ciara."

"You asked me how could this happen?" He continued on.

"The truth is Ciara, no one wants to believe the good in Ben. No one wants to listen to all the things we all have to say about the man he's become. Unfortunate as it is Ciara, Ben's fate was sealed the day the police showed up at the gatehouse." I sighed, partially kicking myself. It was my idea to call the cops as soon as we found Jordan's body. This was Ben's fear, that the police would blame him and wouldn't believe him-believe us and that he would lose me and the life we had worked so hard to build.

I put my head down and as I realized the reality of what Stefan said was right.

"I didn't mean to upset you by that Ciara, but I know how the law is for men like Ben and myself. When your past controls your future. People don't give us second chances It's hard for them to look past it even though the law also tells everyone they're innocent until proven guilty. I don't believe it; they made their mind up long before that judge today."

"I never would have thought it would come to this. I never could've ever imagined this would be the outcome. I'm feeling so many emotions. all at once but what hurts the most is that I'm not able to be there for Ben the way I want, the way I need too. It's killing me." I said as I put my head down again.

"Ciara, no. It's killing him more than you could even imagine. Do you know why I'm here today?"

The question puzzled me for a second; of course I knew why Stefan was here. I lifted my head to speak looking at Stefan confused.

"Of course I know why your here: for Ben. You're a close friend to him and he needed your support."

"Yeah it's that too but that's not the main reason, Ciara." Confusion washed over me as I felt like Stefan was talking like a fortune cookie. 'Fortune cookie', that made me think of Ben and my heart broke further than I believed to be possible. I didn't know what it was he was trying to tell me.

"I don't understand Stefan, I thought you wanted to be here."

"Ciara, there is nowhere else I would rather be than here for the support of my closest-and my pretty much only friend. But that is not the main reason why."

Confusion mixed with all of my emotions was not helping me think. Let alone have the energy to figure out what he was saying.

"Stefan, I'm confused. Please tell me what you're talking about."

He took my hand in his as he spoke,

"Ciara. I'm here for you."

A chill ran down my spine as Stefan's words sunk in.


	3. Chapter 3

What could he possibly mean by that, I asked myself. Ben is the one who is in need of support, not me.

"For me? What do you mean you are here for me?"

Stefan let out a half-laugh followed by what seemed to be an almost-nervous smile. "Well, not in the way that you think Ciara. Let me explain." He shifted in his seat and turned his body to face me as he unfolded his hands and draped his arm across the back of my seat.

"Okay…?" I turned in my seat to face him while rolling the damp handkerchief that was in my hand between my index fingers.

"It's actually something Ben wanted to be prepared for, Ciara; if this didn't go the way that you and he had hoped."

I put my head down and spoke softly replaying the events over and over in my head. Would it ever end? I was doubtful it would. The nightmare was truly just beginning, only this time there was no way out. My heart broke further, as if that was even possible.

"Nothing ever could have prepared me for this." I said.

"I know, and Ben knew that as well. That's where I come in."

"I don't understand what you're saying, Stefan. Ben and I were so hopeful that this was going to go in his favor. With Justin as his attorney and what Grandfather and Xander did to Will. Stefan, this is not supposed to be happening. This is not how this is supposed to end. This is a nightmare that I can't wake up from..." I let out a shaky sigh, "...that I will never wake up from." I put my head down again.

"Ciara, I know. Ben was hopeful that this would go in his favor because you were so confident. He fed off of that; your confidence caused his. He didn't want you to see how afraid he truly was. Ben wanted to be your rock and your anchor but in actuality, he was terrified, terrified of what the decision going the way that it ended up going would do to you. So, let me explain."

I looked up at Stefan, none of what he was saying was making any sense. Ben was so positive every time I saw him. We were so hopeful.

"About two weeks ago, I received a phone call from Ben, he asked me if I could make the time to visit, to talk. He said that I was the only person he could trust to help him with this."

"Besides Will and myself, he's right. Of course, he has Marlena as his doctor but as a friend you and Will are it."

"Yes, he explained that to me countless times. So I arranged my visit with him after he asked. He told me that the reason for the visit with me was that he had some concerns about you. He was scared, Ciara; scared that what happened today was going to be the outcome, but even more terrified than facing death was the thought of what it would do to you."

I put my head down again as more tears started to form. Of course Ben was worried about me. It wouldn't be Ben if he was concerned with himself, even when facing his own mortality. His number one concern has always been me. No one was able to comfort me and make me feel better or more loved than the way he had. I feel like I've told him that more times than I could count, but I hope he knows. Even now, Ben finds ways to make me fall more and more in love with him.

"I was so positive Stefan, so optimistic that everything was going to be okay and so was Ben. He never expressed any worry when I would come to visit. I told him of all the plans that I had for us when all of this was over, all of the things we would do an-and experience, and now…" my voice trailed off unable to finish the sentence. I still can't wrap my head around it, the thought of going through life without Ben by my side.

"I know Ciara, he told me how optimistic you were. How hopeful and sure you were that everything was going to be okay. Ben was too, you gave him hope. He told me he prayed like he'd never prayed before that you were right. He prayed for God to listen to him so He wouldn't take him away from you. Prayed for the truth to come out and for the nightmare to be over. But, there was a small piece of him Ciara, that was frightened, terrified, and just plain old scared. Very scared in fact, but he never had the heart to make you worry. He didn't want to pull you down and for you to feel the way he was feeling. He needed your light because all of this was darkness for him. You gave him hope. You've always given him hope. You've always been his light and he didn't want to become your darkness."

He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze and continued,

"So he expressed to me all of his worries and fears for what could happen. He asked me to be here today for you. That if it didn't go in his favor he knew how you would react. He knew how you'd handle it and it was killing him to know that he wouldn't be able to say or do anything to make it better for you. He couldn't wrap you in his arms and as he tugged on your hair tell you that it would be okay, that you would figure it out. He asked me if I could be that person for you, Ciara, a substitute anchor if you will; to make sure you were okay because he knew you weren't going to be and there wasn't anything he could do to fix it."

Of course, Ben put my feelings first. I turned again to face him,

"Stefan, I know I keep saying it as if it would change somehow or some way but I was so sure it was going to be okay. I didn't prepare myself for this because I couldn't. I couldn't face or think about this as a possibility… and now I'm forced to. Of course he sent you to be here for me. Of course, he's more worried about me that he is for himself. That's just who Ben is. He's the only person I know who could be facing his own mortality and still be more concerned about me than himself. I wouldn't blame him if he went into a selfish mode or blamed me, since I was the one who told him to call the cops when we found Jordan. But of course he's not. He's still more concerned about me. He held his word to me from our first date."

"That you're always going to come first." Stefan said finishing my sentence.

I nodded and cocked my head to the side slightly in surprised. A part of me couldn't believe that Stefan knew those little details but it made me happy that Ben had someone to confide in, someone besides me. More tears sprung from my eyes as I shook my head slightly and said,

"It's just one of the reasons why I love him so much."

I looked up for a moment thinking of how I could do this. How could I get up and walk out of this courtroom? It may of sounded silly but walking out of this room felt like it sealed Ben's fate. I just wanted to wake up in Ben's arms and all of this wouldwould be nothing but a bad nightmare, but the harsh reality reminded me that it wouldn't. I looked back down at Stefan.

"I cannot picture my life without him."

My voice cracked as he took me in his arms again as I shook as I sobbed. It was never going to end. The pain that I felt would never go away. I would live with this pain for the rest of my life, this broken heart and empty hole that is Ben Weston.

It comforted me to have Stefan here for me. I didn't feel comfort because Stefan wasn't telling me that it was going to be okay but because he knew how I felt. Ben must have prepared him for that because of how much I hated being told that at my dad's funeral that it was 'going to be okay'. That at the time was the hardest thing I had ever been through. Being told I was okay when I wasn't angered me like nothing else.

Everyone would just move on and forget kind of like how they did with my dad. Of course his memory lives on through Salem, but no one will ever miss him as much as my mom and I do. We are never okay when it comes to my dad. That ache will never go away and now Ben will be added to that emptiness feeling.

Now everyone would move on and forget about Ben, how hard he fought to be a better person, be a good man and someone deserving of love and a second chance, all the good he was doing. That was all erased and Ben would only be remembered for his crimes and the reason he died. Ben Weston: The Necktie Killer and executed for murder, a murder he did not commit. No one would care about that though. People didn't know the man I knew, so no it wasn't okay. It would never be okay. I was never going to be okay, not once Ben's heart is stopped and I would have to watch the life literally be drained out of the man that I love more than anything and I know loves me more than anything. They were taking away the best thing that ever happened to me. Taking away my future. Cementing his fate by taking his life away for something he didn't do.

Stefan let me cry and yell during these moments with him. Knowing he was here for me because of Ben helped, but it made me so sad that no one was there for Ben. He was going through the same emotions I was, only there was no one to hold him while he cried and yelled. If anything, he would probably be restrained. He was going to a cold, dark place; a place where people treated him so horribly. He was going to be alone with no support or comfort. He had to be so scared. I knew he was because I was just as scared myself.

"Stefan, I'm so scared. " I said out loud.

"I know you are, Ciara. I know that it is not okay, I know how you are feeling and the pain that you're in but, I want you to know I'm going to be here for you. Not just because Ben asked me but because I care about you. I'm not going to tell you it'll be okay. I know that that's the last thing you want to hear, but I hope my support shows that I care and am here."

"Ben must have told you about that didn't he?"

"Oh yes. He told me the story about your dad's funeral, about his death and how much you hated being told 'it was going to be okay' when it wasn't. You're a realist Ciara, he loves that about you. The whole time he told me that story, he smiled. He smiled through the tears he fought and he told me do not tell you it's going to be okay, that you always thought it was a fake sentiment because people say it because they don't know what else to say to try to make you feel better but it doesn't make you feel better. If anything, it made you feel worse because nothing will make you feel better but him and he won't be there to make you feel better. He knew that the only thing you would want was him."

It made me smile through the tears myself that Ben had shared that with him because no one else knew that besides Ben.

"I never told anyone else that, before and besides Ben."

"It makes sense to me when you think about it though," Stefan said.

"I thought nothing could ever be worse than that. Going through the death of my father was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced… until today."

I put my head down again. I sat in silence for a few moments before I spoke.

I picked my head up and turned around slightly, pointing my index finger to the courtroom door. "Once I walk out that door, I feel it makes it official, makes all of this real. If I walk out the door, it's like I'm saying I accept this, I accept this as our fate." I shook my head slightly. "I know that sounds silly. This is his fate where I stay here until I'm kicked out or leave now. But, I can't help it; I feel so close to him here, as dumb as that sounds. I wish I could give him a hug, I so badly wish I could."

"I get that Ciara this is not fair, this is cruel."

"Very Cruel." Just as I spoke, I looked up to the sound of my mom's voice.

"Baby, I'm sorry to interrupt but I just got a call from the station, they need me. I don't mean to rush you, if you need more time I can call Rafe in."

"Hope, if you okay with it I don't mind giving Ciara a ride."

My mom looked between me and Stefan. "Ciara, is that alright?"

"Yeah Mom, I just need a few more minutes."

"Take all the time you need baby and call me if you need anything. I love you Ciara Alice, and it's going to be okay."

I shuddered as she said that, but I love her so much and she is always here for me especially lately. Stefan eyed me knowing just what I was thinking as I gave my mom a tight hug and said

"Thank you, Mama."

She kissed the top of my head before thanking Stefan as she turned and walked away.

"Thank you for your offer, Stefan."

"I knew you weren't ready yet, so take your time. I'm in no rush."

Asking Stefan my next question took me a minute but, I finally got enough strength built up without breaking down,

"Stefan?" I asked as I cleared my throat.

"Tomorrow will you be arranging a visit with Ben?"

"Yes, of course, I will. Is there something you need?"

"Yes, actually I was wondering if it would be alright if I could come with you. I just-I don't know how I would do this alone. I don't know how I'm going to say… say good-"

Tears sprung instantly from my eyes, I couldn't even finish my sentence. I have never been able to say the 'e' word. Even now that it is our confirmed reality, I still couldn't. How will I look at him tomorrow and say goodbye?

"Ciara, of course. I will go with you." He took my hand again. I could not wrap my head around any of this at all, but I also couldn't even think about tomorrow. Nothing would ever prepare me for that.

I shook my head as my mind went to the terrified look on Ben's face today.

"Ughhhh!" I yelled "I can't, I can't do this. I can't." I wiped my eyes with the damp handkerchief.

"I'll be there. You won't be alone, Ciara."

"Thank you so much, Stefan, for everything."

"Don't thank me. It's what friends do."

I sat thinking about Ben for a few minutes, trying to give myself the strength to get up. As much as I wanted to say here and curl up in a ball, I knew I couldn't.

"Well, I guess I can't sit here all day. Right?" I let out a half-chuckle.

I stood up from my seat and Stefan followed suit. I felt shaky as I stood, so I grabbed the seat in front of me for balance.

"Here, let me help," he said to me as he anchored his arm out for me to hold on to. As we began to walk out of the courtroom.

"I can give you a ride home or somewhere else if you'd rather."

I took a deep breath as we exited the courtroom, I looked back for a quick second and remembered how excited I was this morning at the prospect of leaving here today with Ben in my arms and getting to go home with him. For the first time in over a year, everything would be right.

Now, I had no idea where I was going to go, where was home now? Since I met Ben, home wasn't a place, but was a person. Ben had become my home, Ben was where I felt safest and most secure. With Ben, I could take the armor off that my past trauma and pain forced me to put on to face the world. And now… now I can't even go home because I don't have a home anymore. My home is locked away in some hellhole on death row.

"Stefan, I don't even know what home is."


	4. Chapter 4

"Ben Weston, you have 15 minutes to gather your things before we bring you to your new home. The judge did the world a favor today by sentencing you to death."

I sat on my bed staring straight at the wall unable to move. Unable to even form a coherent thought. All that kept replaying over and over was the sound of the gavel banging down and echoing throughout the courtroom followed by the worst sound I've ever heard: Ciara's blood curdling scream. My heart sank further than I thought possible with my inability to do anything about it. I only wanted one thing: to be there for Ciara and comfort her. I closed my eyes and prayed when I opened them, I would be home in the gatehouse with her. This whole afternoon would have been nothing but a nightmare. With my eyes closed, I could almost feel Ciara. I could practically see her smile and the way she would light up. Most of the time, I couldn't believe it was at me. All I wanted was to be able to kiss her tears away and whisper sweet nothings in her ear; make her world okay again. The harsh reality hit me when I opened my eyes and I was in a four-by-four cold concrete cell.

I have done a lot of wrong in my life. Things that haunt me, even in my dreams. But the one thing I know for certain is I will be dying an innocent man for the death of not just anyone but my sister. No matter what happened between us, she was still my sister and I still loved her.

"You better get a move on, Weston. You don't have much time."

I turned to look over at the wall next to my bunk. I had taped up a few pictures of me and Ciara but some of just Ciara that I had taken along with a letter she wrote that I used as a goodnight story. I didn't need it up as I must have read that letter so many damn times I had it memorized. I could almost hear her voice saying the words to me as I read it. I very gingerly took a picture off the wall and as I did I began to stare at the picture in my hand. I touched Ciara's face. We weren't allowed to touch during visits, so this was the closest I could get. A cheap imitation though of the real thing.

This was all I had to comfort me. Her face. I had every inch of her face etched in my memory. The way her lips curled up at the corners when she smiled; her smile was radiant. It made me feel better, even locked up in this hellhole. The way her bright green eyes glimmered through me. The way her smile was always for me. I could feel how much she loved me even through a picture. I had to fight back the tears that stung my eyes. But I refused to let these assholes see me cry.

It took me a few seconds to snap back to reality as the guard was rambling on. About one thing that was enough to make me see red: Ciara.

"...Who's in that picture? Is that the pretty little thing you call your girlfriend? It's only a matter of time before she's jumping into bed with the next guy. What's her name, Weston? Maybe I can track her down. Make sure she's warm at night. Safe from a psycho like you. I can be her shoulder to cry on... amongst other things. A warm body for her at night. If not me, then that guy she left with I'm sure is doing a great job of comforting her right now while you get…" I couldn't hear him anymore.

The thought of anyone comforting Ciara, let alone a man as skin-crawling like this one sent anger coursing through my whole body like nothing else. I dropped the picture in my hand, careful not to damage it or step on it despite my anger. I rose to my feet quickly and before I knew it my hands were stretched through the jail cell bars and around his shirt collar.

"I will never tell you what her name is. Do you understand me?!"

The guard had a wicked smirk "I'd let go of me if you know what's good for you, Weston."

I chuckled bitterly "What's good for me? Like I have anything else left to lose. If you so much as talk to her or even look in her direction, that will be the last thing you'll do. And that's not a threat, that's a promise. Do you understand me?" My knuckles began to turn white as I gripped tighter on his shirt collar as I glared at him.

He looked back at me with fright. It must have been the rage in my eyes or the tone of my voice as I was gripping tighter on his shirt because he pulled back from me, the metal bars between us served as a barrier.

"Alright. Alright. Let me go."

I released my grip on his shirt. As he took a few steps back readjusting his collar. I wasn't proud to still have this effect on people. To put the fear of what the Necktie Killer was capable of but I would protect Ciara until my last breath from filth like this. The thought of this piece of dirt touching Ciara and making her uncomfortable made my blood run cold. I bent down to pick up Ciara's picture from the floor and brushed it off.

"You don't deserve a woman like that. She deserves the love of a real man. Not some homicidal sociopath who murders his own flesh and blood. Five minutes Weston, 'til you go rot in your new cell for the remainder of your life. Which luckily is less than 48 hours from now." He said to me as he walked away from my cell to stand in the middle of the hallway as I lunged for him again.

I glared at him for a few seconds before I turned back to my bunk to continue to remove the pictures And letter from the wall. I carefully removed the gum from the back of the pictures. You learn to improvise a lot being here and tape was not a luxury in Statesville Penitentiary. But gum was.

I rolled it off the back and threw the small ball into the garbage as I neatly stacked her pictures and folded up her letter placing it back into the envelope. I took my blanket and sheets off the bed and folded them up, stacking them on the thin pillow they gave to us.

I gathered the rest of my items and stacked them all on top of my pillows. I didn't have much. And nothing besides my letters from Ciara and her pictures did I even care about. They gave me a small cardboard box to place my belongings in. This box would be picked up from Stefan. I gave the warden strict instructions to only release the items to him.

I bent down to reach under my bed to a stack of envelopes tied with a string I had ripped off of my blanket. I had five envelopes in total. This was the only thing I placed in the box.

No one else could know about these, not even Ciara, not yet anyway. They were something I had been working on for awhile. Yes, while Ciara was so damn hopeful I would be getting out of here and her hope gave me strength, I still needed to do this for her in case things didn't go in my favor. I would take care of her and look after her until my last dying breath, and with these letters, after too.

Holding the letters in my hand today I was glad I decided to do it. The letters that I had written were for the different stages of Ciara's life. Each milestone she would reach… in her new life without me.

They were each labeled "For Ciara when..." so Stefan would know which one to give her when without reading the contents, they were just for Ciara's eyes; something just between us. The first one read "For Ciara When I'm Gone". Writing these letters was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it was like another level of accepting I wouldn't get to grow old with Ciara. We were robbed of so much. We had so many hopes and dreams that were dashed with one bang of the gavel. Well besides the last one I have to write tonight. I saved my last letter to her as one I would give to her. I waited because I still had a sliver of hope that everything would be okay. As hopeful as Ciara was, I wanted to wait for the last letter. This one will be the hardest one to write because I was hoping I'd never have to.

I chose Stefan to give these to her because Stefan had become like a brother to me and the only person I trusted to do this because he wouldn't read them for his liking. He wouldn't pacify me and tell me he would oblige by my wishes only to turn around and not give them to her when it came down to it. Getting them to him in this box was the only way I could.

I know Ciara would question where my belongings were but I would explain it all in my letter to her that I didn't want her to have any memories of this dark time. The worst time in her life… and the final time of mine.

"Alright time's up Weston. Let's go"

I gathered all the things I had in my arms and he grabbed me by my elbow and led me down the hallway. The chants and taunting of the other inmates echoed the halls as I walked past. After what felt like eternity we finally stopped as I heard the buzzing of the cell doors opening as he led me through. They slammed shut a few moments later. The guard stopped before room 4. It was half the size of my last cell with no lights. He released his grip on my arm and jerked me into the cell. As he did that, everything I was holding came crashing down to the floor.

"Have fun cleaning up your mess, Weston." He laughed maniacally as he slammed my cell door shut and locked the door.

I bent down to the floor instantly to pick up the pictures of Ciara. I didn't care about anything else. Those pictures were all I had left to comfort me, all I had left of her. I scrambled to pick them up but the room was dark with just the lights of the hallway filtering into the cell. It was colder than my last cell. A chill crept up my spine. I took Ciara's pictures into my hands and clenched them against my chest, tight but careful not to wrinkle them. How I wished I could have Ciara in my arms right now, feel her tightly wrap her arms around my waist as I kiss her head. But I would never want Ciara to be in this place. Even if it was to comfort me.

I sat on the cold concrete floor with my back against the cold cement wall. The tears that I was holding back for so long stung my cheeks. I tried to keep it together for Ciara, but in this moment I broke. If only my old man could see me now. "_Man up boy. Only sissies cry._" I shook my head, trying to ignore his taunts. Ciara was instrumental in being able to get my father's voice out of my head and helping me to see that being emotional isn't a sign of weakness. But now… now my life is over. My purpose for living was being ripped from me. This had to be God's sick joke. '_Find redemption. Find the one person who could ever fall in love with me._' Then destroy my life. This was payback I'm sure.

All the family members of the victims of the lives I destroyed could now sit back and laugh if they saw me now. They would probably jump for joy at the excruciating pain I was experiencing. But the only thing I cared about in this hell of a world I was living in was Ciara.

I knew she wasn't okay. I knew how devastated she was; I could hear her screams still. Her desperation to get to me. The both of us having to be restrained from each other. Sobs started to echo through the cell I was in. I knew she was probably laying in her bed sobbing and the thought of that made my heart break further than I ever imagined possible. I looked down at her picture again as my tears soaked them.

The life I worked so hard for. The life I always dreamt about was taken from me in the blink of an eye. I warned Ciara so many times not to fall in love with me; to walk away while she could. I knew I was never going to be good enough for her or give her the life she deserved but the selfish part of me let her come back every time I tried to push her way. The way I felt around her, the way she loved me was truly indescribable. She made me feel like I could be the man that I wanted to be, the man that wasn't just Clyde Weston's spawn. With Ciara, she made me feel like I wasn't just destined to be like my pops. She made me feel like I could just be me and that was just fine. She saw the real me. She _loved_ the real me. I had never exposed myself to someone like I had with Ciara. She knew everything, the good, the bad, and even every ugly detail. But it never derailed her. She loved me anyway.

For some godforsaken reason, Ciara saw good in me. She taught me I was worthy of love and being loved. I didn't know what love truly was or what it felt like until Ciara Alice Brady came into my life. She gave me purpose and reason. She was my home. My safe place to land. She was my comfort, my anchor, my compass, and my true north. She was my salvation. She only had to smile at me and I would feel better again, I would instantly feel lighter and could never help but smile back myself. She never gave up, she fought for me so hard until the bitter end. I knew I had to tell her not to come see me anymore. But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to protect her from all of this, the selfish part of myself needed her face to be the last thing I saw as I left this world, before I was met with what was next. Whether that be Heaven, Hell, or just nothing. Her beautiful face needed to be my last image.

I stood up and wiped my eyes. I made my way over to the small cot and placed the picture I was holding of Ciara on the bed. My fingers lingered over it for a moment vying to be able to touch Ciara again, to be able to wrap my fingers in that gorgeous mane of hers and not sneaking a handhold while the guard isn't looking. All I wanted was to be able to hold Ciara in my arms all day and all night again. We had a love of physical touch. It was how we communicated our love without words. Words weren't always needed when it came to us, we just had that kind of connection. But I had to shake that thought out of my mind. It would never happen again. I would never get to kiss Ciara's hair and inhale her scent as I fall asleep or give her a good morning kiss with her crazy bedhead mane. I took a deep breath and reached for my notebook and pencil ignoring the rest of my belongings that were still spewed around me. I began to write my letter to Ciara. I looked at her face, trying to find the words and the courage to write what I needed to. I knew what I had to write but these were going to be the hardest words in the world to say.


End file.
